Sunday, July 25, 2010

Somebody's Butt-print

There are a lot of things about this neighborhood that I find a little less than normal.  But this morning I actually saw something I hadn't seen before in nearly 24 years of living here.  Somebody left an ass-print on our glass front door.

The logistics of doing this vulgar thing must have been a little complicated - the glass part of our front door is about six feet off the ground, so it not only means that someone had to drop their drawers in my lobby, it also means that someone ELSE had to spray paint their butt, and then lift them up and stick them, cheeks out, up ONTO the door.

Weirdly, I looked for a picture on google images to illustrate the concept of "ass print" and found too many to count.  This one, aside from the color choice (ours was yellow) pretty much says it all.  I would have taken a picture of our own objet d'art, but the battery on my Canon just died.

Seeing all of these butt pix made me realize how little imagination human beings have.  From the invention of the Xerox machine all the way back through the Renaissance, the human response to the question "what is art and, yet, funny?" was "butt cheeks!"  It makes me wonder why archaeologists haven't unearthed the imprint of some Egyptian tomb-worker's bare booty, done up in burnt ochre, right up on the wall with the hieroglyphics.

Speaking of butts, just came back from the Planet Fitness up the street from me.  I'm still steadily losing weight, but not really fast enough to get me back in normal-sized clothes before the end of the summer.  I only seem to drop about four pounds a month, and for someone who's as overweight as I am, that's really kind of glacier speed.  But I have to keep telling myself this is just the way I have to take care of my health now, and there's no return to the telly-booze-pizza life that almost put me in the hospital.  Gotta keep trying.

I was going to go out and get the new Jules Pfeiffer book.  Almost done reading the Joe Papp biography "Free for All" which is totally amazing - my favorite format for a biography nowadays, which is the David Hajdu method of gathering interviews and then editing like a madman.  This one was written by a guy named Kenneth Turan, and it's a fascinating look at the work of a fascinating man.  As I say, I was GOING to go out and get this book, but the skies are darkening and we're supposed to get a huge thunderstorm.  This is unfortunate for a couple of reasons, but most unfortunate because it's 3 PM, there's no food in the house, I'm starving - and I always feel TERRIBLE if I ask a delivery guy to come out in the rain and bring me something.  I guess Jules Pfeiffer and food will have to wait.

So since I've already put in some hours this morning on rewrites, and already gone to the gym,  I'm going to be putting my butt-print on the sofa for a little while, waiting for the rain to come and go.

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